Why I Went Quiet for Years (And What It Taught Me About Desire, Self-Abandonment and Perfectionism)

Hey, I’m Caity!

If you subscribed years ago and have no idea who I am because I’ve never sent an email (more on that later), or you're brand new here: I run Caity Coaches. 

These days that means making digital workbooks and resources for women ready to stop self-abandoning in love and life, and start prioritizing their own pleasure, comfort, and desires (instead of everyone else’s).

Right now I'm elbows-deep in my first official workbook launch, Where Did My Desire Go?, which I’ll get to in a minute.

But first, a confession.

This newsletter has been sitting on my to-do list for years. 

I built this list ages ago (through a totally different project) with stars in my eyes, and then... never sent a single email. Not one.

Today that changes.

If you’re wondering why I held back for so long… me too.

The answer is - it was a boatload of perfectionist anxiety, piloted by some part of me who decided it was extremely important to protect everyone else's inbox from something they might not want. 

I really wanted to get it just right, even though: 

1. that’s impossible, 

2. that meant staying invisible and not showing up for the thing I worked really hard to build, and,

3. my business (and therefore life) has probably suffered without it.

That’s not being considerate to you (as much as I’d like to pretend)… it’s self-abandonment rebranded as “I’ll get to it once all the circumstances are perfect and I know exactly what to say that everyone will love.” 

It's the same pattern I built an entire digital guided workbook for you around, called Where Did My Desire Go?, all about uncovering the secret stressors hampering your natural passion in your relationship. 

Because desire doesn't just disappear on its own. It gets buried under a mountain of demands, wanting to keep everyone else comfortable and satisfied, and the quiet but crushing expectations (some real, some self-imposed) that we keep prioritizing above our own needs and wants.

Your desire never left; she just can't reach the phone right now.

So here's me, catching myself mid-pattern and choosing to interrupt it, even though (spoiler alert) the circumstances still aren’t perfect and I still don’t know exactly what to say.

So, hi! This is My Very First Super Official Email Newsletter! And I’m so grateful you’re here.

Now that that’s out of the way… you’ll be hearing from me more often from now on. Promise.

(At least until I finally cave to Peacock and start binging RHOBH for the first time.)

Butterflies,

Caity

P.S. - Some of you landed on this list through an older project of mine, a men's stamina mini-course I made with my business partner, Angela. My work now looks different. It’s for women who want to stop self-abandoning and finally put themselves first (without the guilt). If that's not you, no hard feelings, you can unsubscribe whenever. But if you have a partner, friend, or sister this email might mean something to, I’d super appreciate you forwarding it her/their way. Thank you!

P.P.S. - The workbook I mentioned above, Where Did My Desire Go?, is officially live. If you're curious, you can learn more here.

[Psst - I noticed you’re reading this newsletter on my website’s blog. Feel free to subscribe to my email list in the footer of this page, so you can receive these warm little notes directly to your inbox and never miss a post!]